Today has probably been the most boring uneventful day of my life. I have never felt this useless. I even tried playing angry birds and sudoku to make myself feel useful. If you really want to know...it didn't work. I woke up at 0700 hrs which is an achievement for me. A very big achievement. I am telling you, that was an outstanding performance. I deserve a clap, then an award, then someone famous should write a song about me and another famous singer sings the song and finally the heroin of the tale (me) becomes the star in the video. I hope you now imagine how hard I struggle to wake up. Anytime I wake up early, I feel like an overachiever.
All I have done today is waking up, eating a pear, eating a banana, taking black tea (I kinda become lactose intolerant in every morning), watched t.v, had lunch, watched t.v some more. Pictured myself in Kimora's shoes. ....the rest of the day is pretty unproductive. I can't wait for my sister to get back from work and tell me all about her interesting workmates. I hope today's story will be funny ...I really need somebody to make me laugh laugh my ass off. (if things were taken literally and all the girls in the world laughed their asses off, all men would have probably moved to Mars or Venus.
My uncle's driver is quite the drunkard. He is also very generous with money. He calls me on this boring day. I have 59 seconds to decide whether I should pick that call or not. I should just have a glass of wine ...it is really good for digestion. No no no...alcohol is definitely not good for me. It makes people suffer from liver cyrrhosis (I ain't sure about the spelling) ...I need to get high then I stop getting bored. I'll get liver cyrrhosis then I'll die. Alcohol will make me happy. Noo...Alcohol might make me pregnant and I'll probably not like the father of the baby. Oh guardian angel, where are you when I really need your help???
Wait a minute ....drinking with moderation is not bad. It is responsible drinking and I have a designated driver. Do I?? This dude is gonna drink with me!!!! Who the hell is gonna drive me home?? I fear for my life. I ain't gonna drink. Am I really missing this great chance of somebody actually buying me drinks during this tough economic times??? ....What the hell...I am gonna drink. You only live once_that's the motto_nigga YOLO¡¡ and I got it everyday.
Today everything is on driver, the drinks are on driver, the club, the music, the waiters all free. Driver is definitely sent from heaven. Lemme pick the call now ...I officially want to drink.
O_o 4 missed calls from driver. I must have spent too much time thinking that I didn't notice my phone ringing all that time.
WHAT THE HELL ...i'll just stay at home, switch off the lights, call my neighbour and watch a horror movie with him as we eat my popcorn and hold hold each other every time there is a scary scene. Whoever thinks I don't have a life, you can hang yourself with tissue paper ....it is very effective btw. I doesn't leave any bruises on your neck and nobody will know what you did because you won't lose your life and won't want anyone to know the story between you and tissue. Next time you wanna commit suicide ...tissue paper is the way to go.
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