Why is there so much cooking on television?? This is just bad news. All that food looks so so so yummy. Damn...finger licking chicken. Perhaps I should learn how to cook other things apart from black tea. That way, I won't be jealous of all those cooks on t.v.
Anyway, I was actually in the middle of something before I got distracted by the food. I'm single again...I am a free bird. I am a free bird ...omg, this is really amazing...extremely amazing. I have just realized how awesome this is. I love being a free bird. I wanna hit on all the hot boys that I see on the road. Eye candy ...yum yum yum. I think I just saw the awesome ...most awesome thing in my life...that haircut ....wow ....omg ... I have this thing for neat haircuts...they drive me crazy.
"Hey, I wanna hook you up with this guy. He is light, goodlooking, does pharmacy, nice haircut, got lots of money, young and interesting"
That was how my friend described the guy that I was suppossed to date next. Why hasn't she said hot and sexy??
I really don't like hook ups. I can get my own boys and sometimes, it gets really awkward when what you were told is not exactly what you get to see. The pharmacist was given my number. I gotta admit, he sounded really great on phone. I didn't wanna have my hopes up. Its like talking to a stranger in Facebook who has Nick Canon as his profile picture and has really interesting updates. He is very vocal and kinda funny. When you get his number, he got all the interesting things to say...you are almost falling in love with him. You can't wait for his texts. When you actually meet him zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Really....how can you be so funny via text and in real life you are.....I really don't have a word to use. Please stop googling texts that are funnier than you.
On a Friday, I'm invited for lunch. I show up for lunch and I meet my friend there. Well well well ....my friend wasn't alone. She was with an elderly man. They were waiting for me so that lunch can be eaten. Me?? What has this old man got to do with me?? He almost looks as old as my old lady's husband.
They did have grapes on the table. The grapes didn't taste really sweet...they were bitter. That was a bunch of really angry grapes...they didn't want nobody to eat them. I say hi to the elderly guy. When he says who he is.....I first get shocked, then a little traumatized, then dumdfounded. Now I just wanna disappear in thin air.
What the hell!!!! This totally doesn't look like the voice on phone. What did I get myself into. And why does my friend have a forty year old friend. Having a forty year old friend is not bad but a girl of my age having a forty year old man friend buying her lunch and flirting with her is just wrong and very unacceptable. He has a paunch...a big paunch ...bigger than my old lady's husband!!! Now I'mgetting really scared for myself. Is he also loosing hair?? I look at my friend with the look of -are-you-sure-i-am-in-the-right-place-. Oh my goodness ...is he really asking me to stay and eat. My boobies ...he is staring at my boobies!!! How can a forty year old man stare at 20 year old boobies very shamelessly. Doesn't he have a wife?? This is so embarrassing ...my calculus lecturer is here. Oh Jesus ...save me now. Why is he forcing me to stay behind for a drink!!! I tried saying I was sick. He said he could prescribe me the right medication. I said I needed to go to town. He said he was headed there and would give me a lift. A lift?? Maybe he is a kidnapper. I am getting high blood pressure. Call 911 now. My life was officially over.
When I finally was able to leave, my friend follows and asks "Is he that ugly??"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!"
No comments:
Post a Comment