Thursday, 22 December 2011
Benefits of drinking alcohol.
Check out Funzug.com | Benefits of Drinking Alcohol at http://www.funzug.com/index.php/funny-pictures/benefits-of-drinking-alcohol.html
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Matthematics and Chess
The number of possible chess positions after White’s first ply move is 20 (16 pawn moves and 4 knight moves). There are 400 possible chess positions after two ply moves (first ply move for White followed by first ply move for Black).
There are 5,362 possible positions(White’s second ply move) or 8,902 total positions after two ply moves each. There are 71,852 possible positions or 197,742 total positions after four moves. There are 809,896 possible positions or 4,897,256 total positions after 5 moves.There are 9,132,484 total positions after 6 moves. From move 7 the possible positions stabilize as chess lines end, even from move 2 some chess lines end. There are +-10,921,506 total possible positions after 7 moves.
The special draw, the King's draw, should occure a minimum of 32 times. The longest recorded game ended in a draw after 269 moves.
***
There is a built in limit in the logical positions as the average chess game is about 30 moves, 60 moves and above chess games are a rarity. Lots of chess games end between moves 3 and the final move and the pieces decrease as they are captured. In end game situations the material combinations their frequency and the number of moves needed to mate or draw are known and it is in the region of tens of thousand, limiting the logical possible positions in an end game situation to hundreds of thousand.
Phase Classification ~ # of positions Moves
· Initial position * 1 0
· Opening xxo*oxx +- 5 x 10^6 1 - 5
· Opening xxxooo*oooxxx +- 40 x 10^6 6 - 10
· Middle game xxxoooo*ooooxxx +- 45 x 10^6 11 - 15
· Middle game xxxooo*oooxxx +- 40 x 10^6 16 - 20
· End game xxxo8*8oxxx +- 5 x 10^6 21 - 25
· End game xo*8x +- 5 x 10^6 26 - 30
· End game o*8 +- 0.1 x 10^5 31 - Final move
Logical possible positions +- 140.1 x 10^6 + 1
Possible/playable chess games (Avg game 30 moves) +- 4,670,033
~# Of total draw positions @ 7% of playable games +- 326,933
*=draw, o=winning/lose, x=other, 8=known end game combinations
A guesstimate is that the maximum logical possible positions are somewhere in the region of +-140,100,033, including trans-positional positions, giving the approximation of 4,670,033 maximum logical possible games, thus making chess very playable.
When compared to the numbers available from online databases the actual number of games played so far , for reasonable players, seem to be somewhere in the region of +-2,910,286 which should be taken as a minimum number for the possible logical games.
There are 5,362 possible positions(White’s second ply move) or 8,902 total positions after two ply moves each. There are 71,852 possible positions or 197,742 total positions after four moves. There are 809,896 possible positions or 4,897,256 total positions after 5 moves.There are 9,132,484 total positions after 6 moves. From move 7 the possible positions stabilize as chess lines end, even from move 2 some chess lines end. There are +-10,921,506 total possible positions after 7 moves.
The special draw, the King's draw, should occure a minimum of 32 times. The longest recorded game ended in a draw after 269 moves.
***
There is a built in limit in the logical positions as the average chess game is about 30 moves, 60 moves and above chess games are a rarity. Lots of chess games end between moves 3 and the final move and the pieces decrease as they are captured. In end game situations the material combinations their frequency and the number of moves needed to mate or draw are known and it is in the region of tens of thousand, limiting the logical possible positions in an end game situation to hundreds of thousand.
Phase Classification ~ # of positions Moves
· Initial position * 1 0
· Opening xxo*oxx +- 5 x 10^6 1 - 5
· Opening xxxooo*oooxxx +- 40 x 10^6 6 - 10
· Middle game xxxoooo*ooooxxx +- 45 x 10^6 11 - 15
· Middle game xxxooo*oooxxx +- 40 x 10^6 16 - 20
· End game xxxo8*8oxxx +- 5 x 10^6 21 - 25
· End game xo*8x +- 5 x 10^6 26 - 30
· End game o*8 +- 0.1 x 10^5 31 - Final move
Logical possible positions +- 140.1 x 10^6 + 1
Possible/playable chess games (Avg game 30 moves) +- 4,670,033
~# Of total draw positions @ 7% of playable games +- 326,933
*=draw, o=winning/lose, x=other, 8=known end game combinations
A guesstimate is that the maximum logical possible positions are somewhere in the region of +-140,100,033, including trans-positional positions, giving the approximation of 4,670,033 maximum logical possible games, thus making chess very playable.
When compared to the numbers available from online databases the actual number of games played so far , for reasonable players, seem to be somewhere in the region of +-2,910,286 which should be taken as a minimum number for the possible logical games.
New facebook timeline
How to master your Facebook Timeline http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/20/tech/social-media/how-to-set-up-facebook-timeline/index.html #cnn
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
U myt want to read this...
Some random facts...
1. An elephant shits half its weight in two days.
2. A man's p*n*s is 3 tyms the size of his thumb.
3. Two multiplied by two equals four.
4. The final fact...A woman wud hv finishd reading ths facts by now but a man wud stil b chekin out the size of hs thumb.
1. An elephant shits half its weight in two days.
2. A man's p*n*s is 3 tyms the size of his thumb.
3. Two multiplied by two equals four.
4. The final fact...A woman wud hv finishd reading ths facts by now but a man wud stil b chekin out the size of hs thumb.
If santa was a kenyan woman.
Does anyone know this dude¿ Does he exist. If he was replaced by a kenyan womam...reindeers wud b replaced by reindonkeys of limuru or reincamels of north eastern. The elfs wud go 4 extreme makeover to tream their ears. The suit...Christ! She wud b donning in a gikomba original or a muthurwa market release. Historicaly, santa brings gifts thru the chimney. That wud b a problem since most kenyan women hv a back side the size of nyanza province. She wud resort to the other methods lyk knocking the door. People wud spent most of the year prayin that she does not get mood swings on that day, othewise, she wud come in sayin Ho¡ Ho! Ho! then suddenly break down n start cryin. The world wud b 1 mega gossip zone during x-mas. Gifts wud b realy late, the make up and heels. By the tym preparation is done, it wud b valentines and instead of gifts, we wud get apology notes. If u see santa in a kitenge and headscarf, smile and wave but make sure it isnt Orie Rogo Manduli u r confusing him with.
Guys are weird
Guys r weird, thats why they nid women 2 normalize them or make them more crazy so they think they r sane. Then they feel beta bout themselves coz they thnk its the woman who is weird. Its a trick, but balanced. Men nid women and women nid men, othrwise, who wud we drive insane? Guys weirdnes is a gud thng coz they dont care. They dont thnk bout thngs, they just do it not caring what others thnk...women myt b a lil more self conscious. When datin, there r weird thngs that guys do that perhaps arent xo weird after all. E.g, callin u lil names lyk pumpkin. He doesnt mean u luk lyk 1, its a compliment. He thnks enough of u to call u sth swit n doesnt feel lyk a sissy to say it. It takes a lot 4 a guy to do that, so welcome th coment evn if u'd rather b caled gourd. Any weirdnes u thnk a guy has can basicaly be seen in a +ve light or at least as a cute quirk. Its all part of hs personality and if u thnk bout it, usualy some gesture 2 impres u or some sort of manly programing 2 aid u. Tis all 4 u...in a weird way.
A Diva's prayer
Armani...which art in Hermes, hallowed be thy Gucci, thy Cartier watch, thy Prada bag on Rodeo, as it is in Tiffany's. Give us this day, our Visa Gold, and forgive us this Overdraft, as we forgive those who stop our Mastercard. Lead us not into JC Penney and deliver us from Sears. For thine is the Channel, the Gaultier and the Versace, for Dolce and Gabbana. AMEX.
Men and cleavage
Women know u look n thats why sometimes they wear low cut blouses n push up bras. Think of urself driving by six houses, all look bout the same but 1 has the door half open. You cant see whats inside the house but your eyes are drawn to it. You look in the little view that u have of the door and it instantly piques ur curiosity of what the entire house looks like. You want to stop...and you know you just cant wander in but you still want to. Thats men n cleavage...the partialy opened door.
Kenyan policemen.........LOLEST...!!!!!
This is a Conversation between a Kenyan Policeman and an Innocent Citizen who simply happens to be walking home from work late at night.
Gijana Untatoga wabi? Jina yago nani? Baba yago nani? Unataga nini?
Gan you Broduce your ID? Basi if you gannot broduce your ID Wapi Gitambulisho? If you gannot broduce Gitambulisho, wapi drivers licence? If you gannot broduce the three gavament tocuments, Twende mbele!
(But I am innocent….)
Innocent gitu gani? Haguna mutu innozent Genya We gan charge you with anything Unataga gani? Smoking with violence, Looging at a female gender with breach of gontract, Looging at a government building zuzbiciously With indend to gommit murder..... Unataga gani?
Unaweza gujitetea? Gitu gani hii? Ati fifty bob Hata haiwezi gununua jwing gum... Toa besa gijana!!!!!!!!!!!
(…nibakishie bus fare)
Ogay, You are a law abiding zitizen. Unataga tuguzindikishe???????
Gijana Untatoga wabi? Jina yago nani? Baba yago nani? Unataga nini?
Gan you Broduce your ID? Basi if you gannot broduce your ID Wapi Gitambulisho? If you gannot broduce Gitambulisho, wapi drivers licence? If you gannot broduce the three gavament tocuments, Twende mbele!
(But I am innocent….)
Innocent gitu gani? Haguna mutu innozent Genya We gan charge you with anything Unataga gani? Smoking with violence, Looging at a female gender with breach of gontract, Looging at a government building zuzbiciously With indend to gommit murder..... Unataga gani?
Unaweza gujitetea? Gitu gani hii? Ati fifty bob Hata haiwezi gununua jwing gum... Toa besa gijana!!!!!!!!!!!
(…nibakishie bus fare)
Ogay, You are a law abiding zitizen. Unataga tuguzindikishe???????
Monday, 19 December 2011
Sunday, 18 December 2011
Saturday, 17 December 2011
Friday, 16 December 2011
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Female obsession with kicking men in the balls....
It may not be an obsession but its normaly the 1st port of call for any female attack on a man. The testicles are symbols of male power, strength and dominance. They secrete hormones that make a guy big, strong and aggressive. One of the great ironies of nature is that the 'BALLS' shud also serve as the male's weakest part, dangling delicately and unprotected under his 'penatrating assault weapon' during an attempted rape. In self defense against sexual assault, 'the weaker sex' has the ability to turn the stronger assailant into a helpless baby by targeting this area. Thats what all girls are taught when learning about the 'facts of life.' This is sweet poetic justice for all women.
If men got pregnant.
1. Maternity leave would last 2 yrs with full pay.
2. There would b a cure 4 stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nations #1 health problem.
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. All children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager 2 talk bout commitment.
8. They wouldnt think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10pm.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of cloths.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice-cream n pickles as main entrees.
2. There would b a cure 4 stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nations #1 health problem.
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. All children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager 2 talk bout commitment.
8. They wouldnt think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10pm.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of cloths.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice-cream n pickles as main entrees.
Monday, 13 June 2011
Shower that will wipe your butt clean in no time
If you think that your “ working-class” shower isn’t quite as effective as you’d like it to be, then you’ll want to have a look at the $100 ,000 Silver TAG Shower . This baby comes equipped with 18 computer-controlled showerheads, including one that looks to be specially made to clean dirty derrières, and features six zones, which can be individually customized for temperature and water pressure. The whole thing is controlled via a touch screen that is located right outside the shower. Come on, you know you want it! Having the world’s cleanest butt is definitely worth $100 ,000 !
A DIVA'S PRAYER
Armani...which art in Hermes, hallowed be thy Gucci, thy Cartier watch, thy Prada bag on Rodeo, as it is in Tiffany's. Give us this day, our Visa Gold, and forgive us this Overdraft, as we forgive those who stop our Mastercard. Lead us not into JC Penney and deliver us from Sears. For thine is the Channel, the Gaultier and the Versace, for Dolce and Gabbana. AMEX.
HANGOVER
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86 'd you at 1 :45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You' ve had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4 th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86 'd you at 1 :45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You' ve had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4 th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
Alcohol warnings
Due to increasing products liability, alcoholic beverages manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning label be placed immediately on all bottles:
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w@nker.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/ or species you can't remember).
Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time- space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w@nker.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/ or species you can't remember).
Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time- space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
Monday, 16 May 2011
First Days in School
I finally joined campus. I haven’t exactly been waiting for this moment. I love school only because it keeps me away from my hawk eyed mother. (She loves prying into my secret life so much btw). Anyway, we were talking about me and campus. I have joined Kenyatta University. If you don’t know where it is, just run along Thika road and you will find it on the way. That is the same university that my sister is in (my little mother). Don’t I just hate being a last born…naaah, the truth is, I love being a last born coz everyone watches out for me. I am not likely to stray. Even my friends who are 7 hours older than me imagine they have more life experience and they scold me just like my mother would. It kind of makes me feel very special though. I attended my first class today after missing four days of lectures. I wonder how I was able to understand everything in class…I am bragging in case you haven’t noticed yet. I love my math lecturer. I promise you, it isn’t what you are thinking; he is number 1000 on the list of things that I love. I had my first lecture at 7.00 am today. I actually made it to class in time. Kenyatta University happens to be really big. I woke up at 5.00 am, took me one hour to prepare and have my breakfast. I started walking to class at 6.00 am. The reason why I left my room that early was because it takes me one hour to get to the lecture room. As I was busy strolling, the other first years near me were running….talk of insanity. (Shaking my head). They make me feel like the most defocused creature in the whole universe. They are always writing notes including the dry jokes cracked by the old lecturer. The lady who sits next to me has 5 pages of notes. 30% of the notes are just repetition in different words, 30% is the important notes that she needs and 40% are dry jokes cracked by the boring lecturer. On my way to class, there was this guy listening to music. Normally, he would not catch my attention, but this particular one was very special. His phone was on loudspeaker and it was tightly held close to his ears. Trust me; I could hear the music even though I had my pink headphones on. Then I met this confused girls who made me run up and down the stairs because they didn’t know where the class was. I have to admit, running up and down the stairs was quite good exercise. The rest of the day was pretty boring so I decided to sit down and watch movies as I wait for tomorrow.
Sunday, 1 May 2011
Monday, 25 April 2011
Random
I get really embarrassed when there is a kissing scene on television and everyone around me is above 30 years...I actually meant 40 years. My dad actually switches off the TV....talk of old school parents. I decided to tell my mum that I have a boyfriend. Worst mistake ever. She asked me if I was gonna marry him. I told her that I wasn't sure. She then accused me of wasting the poor boy's time if I wasn't planning to marry him. What the hell was that!!!!! I'm just a poor little 19 year old, marriage has no place in my priorities. So,I decided to dig some dirt on my parents. After 70 full days of research, I got nothing. Either they are really good at hiding stuff or they had super boring campus lives. The only thing I found out was that my mum married her first boyfriend.
I'm kinda excited because I'm joining campus next month. I happen to be joining Kenyatta University. I'm wondering whether I should stay on campus or out of campus. At the moment, I'm trying to write this crazy shopping list so that I can be able to swindle some good amount of money from them.
I'm kinda scared of joining Kenyatta University. My big sister is in the same campus and I don't like her friends. The last time I went to Kenyatta University, there were first year students all around me talking mother tongue. I felt like I was in the village. All the boys I met were very annoying, I can't compare those boys to my boyfriends in JKUAT and Nairobi University. I fear for my social life. At least I am gonna be with two of my closest girlfriends. The thought that my girlfriends are coming to my campus is kinda disturbing. I wonder whether any studying will. happen because I know they are ail thinking about partying. Since I am the partyholic here, I'm sure I'll be getting messages that say 'where the party at???????' This is a question that I seriously don't like. How boring can your life get that you are never invited to any party....all you do is gate crush all the parties you attend.
I'm kinda excited because I'm joining campus next month. I happen to be joining Kenyatta University. I'm wondering whether I should stay on campus or out of campus. At the moment, I'm trying to write this crazy shopping list so that I can be able to swindle some good amount of money from them.
I'm kinda scared of joining Kenyatta University. My big sister is in the same campus and I don't like her friends. The last time I went to Kenyatta University, there were first year students all around me talking mother tongue. I felt like I was in the village. All the boys I met were very annoying, I can't compare those boys to my boyfriends in JKUAT and Nairobi University. I fear for my social life. At least I am gonna be with two of my closest girlfriends. The thought that my girlfriends are coming to my campus is kinda disturbing. I wonder whether any studying will. happen because I know they are ail thinking about partying. Since I am the partyholic here, I'm sure I'll be getting messages that say 'where the party at???????' This is a question that I seriously don't like. How boring can your life get that you are never invited to any party....all you do is gate crush all the parties you attend.
My retarded cousin
I recently got kicked out of my cousin's. 2 weeks before I got kicked, my cousin brought an exorcist from Oloitoktok to stay in her house. I had been in Thika for sometime before I came back and found the exorcist around. When I arrived from Thika, I got really interesting news. Apparently, my cousin got born again, her 4husband got born again and Stella also got born again. Stella is the only lady that my cousin imagines won't steal her husband. Just for the record, my cousin thinks all women are there to steal her husband. I also think the little kid was exorcised, though I lgot no proof. I haven't spent the night at my cousin's house for the past two weeks. I've either been spending the night at my uncle's or my boy's place. Most of the time, I've been at my uncle's. One Saturday night, I was walking in the estate with my boyfriend. We happened to meet my cousin's husband. I didn't sleep at my cousin's on Saturday night. When I went back to her house on Sunday, she accused me of being married and living with a man. I was kinda traumatized and hoped the wrong news would never get to my mother. That Sunday night, I slept at her house because I didn't want any trouble. My male friend brought me pizza samples on Wednesday. As soon as he got by, I went outside to get the pizza. I couldn't let him inside because I'm not allowed to have friends over. A few minutes after my I took the pizza, my cousin came in and accused me of bringing men into her house and that I was gonna mess up her marriage. I think she wants my boyfriend, he is way. hotter than her husband and treats me like a queen. Her husband treats her like trash....my poor sad cousin. I wasn't pleased with what she said so as soon as I got my boy's call, I went to his place. When I went back the next morning, I was to take a bath and go get a letter that I urgently needed from the university. As soon as I got into the house, she told me to keep quiet and lock myself in my room, because her husband was around. Since I had more more important things to do, I explained to her why I had to leave. I also said sorry. I don't exactly know why I was saying sorry. As soon as I left, she immediately called me. She told me that I had disrespected her and that she was gonna call my mum. She threw all my stuff outside and ncalled my sister to go pick them. I didn't know people get kicked out for saying sorry....life is very interesting. The good news is, the coward never called my mum. It's my 1st time to be thrown out of someone's house. It doesn't feel so bad after all. At this point, I'm sure my cousin is a retard and needs divine intervention. That exorcist must have been an amateur.
Friday, 8 April 2011
Reasons to allow bOOz at work...
*It's an incentive 2 show up.
*It reduces stress.
*It leads 2 more honest comunication.
*It reduces complaints bout low pay.
*It cuts down on time off coz u can work with a hangover.
*Employees tel managment wat they thnk, not wat managment wants 2 hear.
*It increases job satisfaction coz if u hv a bad job, u dont care.
*It eliminates vacation coz pple wud rather go 2 work.
*It makes fellow employees look better.
*It makes cafeteria food taste better.
*Bosses r more likely to hand out raises when they r wasted.
*Salary negotiations r a lot more profitable.
*Suddenly farting durin a meeting aint xo embarasing.
*No one wil remember ur strip act at the xmas party.
TOP 10 LIST OF QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND...if u want him to run.
10. Do u lyk my bottom?
9. Would u lyk to go shopping with me?
8. Do u mind if ur bestfriend joins us in bed?
7. If we were a hollywood movie couple, who would we be? <she means beauty and the beast...leave open who the beast is>
6. Have u ever cheated on a galfrend b4? ...the answer is always, "Me, i wud rather die."
5. Wat wud u do if u were alone in the playboy mansion with 250 playmates and all r famished?
4. How many people hav u had sex with b4 me?
3. Can u xplain to me how to handle a <complicated technical device>? ...if he doesnt hv the patience to xplain, he wil send u to an electronic store.
2. Will we be together 4eva and marry one day?
1. WOULD YOU TATTOO MY NAME ON YOUR UPPER ARM?
9. Would u lyk to go shopping with me?
8. Do u mind if ur bestfriend joins us in bed?
7. If we were a hollywood movie couple, who would we be? <she means beauty and the beast...leave open who the beast is>
6. Have u ever cheated on a galfrend b4? ...the answer is always, "Me, i wud rather die."
5. Wat wud u do if u were alone in the playboy mansion with 250 playmates and all r famished?
4. How many people hav u had sex with b4 me?
3. Can u xplain to me how to handle a <complicated technical device>? ...if he doesnt hv the patience to xplain, he wil send u to an electronic store.
2. Will we be together 4eva and marry one day?
1. WOULD YOU TATTOO MY NAME ON YOUR UPPER ARM?
Thursday, 7 April 2011
When disaster strikes
I wake up early in the morning feeling so good. It's a Friday, the only day of the week that I love spending. When I leave home, I got ksh50...enough only to get me to town. I get my ATM card,put it in my jeans pocket and walk to the bus stop with a huge smile on my face as I listen to Jessie J's song...'do it like a dude'
I get into the matatu, pay the fare and get ksh 20 change. I alight at Agip and walk slowly to Kenyatta avenue where my bank is. I peep into the ATM lobby and notice it is empty. This is good news for me since I loath making queues. Two seconds after I walk in,a security guard walks up to me and says 'madam, ATM haifanyi kazi leo'. I started causing tantrums on why he had called me madam before realizing that I couldn't withdraw money. Walking out of the bank a very disappointed lady, I walk to harambee avenue to withdraw money from the other branch of my bank. Sadly, I am told the problem is countrywide and I cant even withdraw over the counter.
This is me, with ksh 20 between me and poverty and a phone that is almost dead. Stupidly, I started listening to music. By the time it hit me that I could call my mama to Mpesa me cash, my phone's battery charge was 5%. I cross my left fingers, make the sign of the cross, cross my right fingers, kneel down then call my mama. My phone just died after I had asked for money and my mama telling me that she will send the money at night. When I don't need money, my mama sends it immediately, when I am desperate, she sends the money hours later. (The sad part of my life)
At this point, I need divine intervention. I am not used to having a lot of disasters on one day especially because I have to subject my poor brain to too many destructive thoughts such as robbing a bank. This is when my daftness level rises from 51% to 99%.
Lesson learnt: never leave home with ksh 50...lest disaster strikes.
I get into the matatu, pay the fare and get ksh 20 change. I alight at Agip and walk slowly to Kenyatta avenue where my bank is. I peep into the ATM lobby and notice it is empty. This is good news for me since I loath making queues. Two seconds after I walk in,a security guard walks up to me and says 'madam, ATM haifanyi kazi leo'. I started causing tantrums on why he had called me madam before realizing that I couldn't withdraw money. Walking out of the bank a very disappointed lady, I walk to harambee avenue to withdraw money from the other branch of my bank. Sadly, I am told the problem is countrywide and I cant even withdraw over the counter.
This is me, with ksh 20 between me and poverty and a phone that is almost dead. Stupidly, I started listening to music. By the time it hit me that I could call my mama to Mpesa me cash, my phone's battery charge was 5%. I cross my left fingers, make the sign of the cross, cross my right fingers, kneel down then call my mama. My phone just died after I had asked for money and my mama telling me that she will send the money at night. When I don't need money, my mama sends it immediately, when I am desperate, she sends the money hours later. (The sad part of my life)
At this point, I need divine intervention. I am not used to having a lot of disasters on one day especially because I have to subject my poor brain to too many destructive thoughts such as robbing a bank. This is when my daftness level rises from 51% to 99%.
Lesson learnt: never leave home with ksh 50...lest disaster strikes.
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Wednesday, 6 April 2011
My cousin's salvation
My cousin recently got born again and received Christ as her personal Lord and Saviour. Five days after she got saved, she received a call from one of her ex-boyfriends. My cousin has been married for two years but her husband works out of town. Their marriage is on the rocks at moment. Since she is not having sex with her husband, she has been hunting for a substitute.
My cousin got a call from this ex-boyfriend at 10 pm on Wednesday. The guy was calling from outside her house. He wanted to go out with my cousin so they could have drinks. My cousin told him that she couldn't go out that night. For the first time in my life I was proud of her. Little did I know I would be disappointed for the rest of the night.
My cousin went out to meet the guy then came back into the house after five minutes. Let me name the ex-boyfriend 'Mr X'. Mr X drove off. While X was away, my cousin came to my room and said "OMG, hizi ni temptations". She then smiled and walked out of my room.
Twenty minutes later, X was back. This time, he got into the house. With him was 1000ml of Smirnoff vodka. They sat on the sofa together and began drinking the vodka as they whispered so the househelp and I could not hear what they were saying. Unfortunately, my cousin and X are not very good at whispering. I couldn't hear them clearly but they still caused disturbance.
After one hour of listening to their stupid whispers, I was hoping X would leave. Sadly enough, X did not leave and the noises did not stop. They only graduated from whispers to moans. At this point,you can guess what they were doing...>>>and on the sofa I love sleeping on...yuck. I wish I had her husband's number, I would have snitched.
The next morning, this is what she said, "hata sijafanya makosa, nitaomba tu halafu Mungu atanisamehea". Mr X left in the morning. Since I was too curious, I decided to peep and see who X was. X happens to be my distant cousin.
My cousin got a call from this ex-boyfriend at 10 pm on Wednesday. The guy was calling from outside her house. He wanted to go out with my cousin so they could have drinks. My cousin told him that she couldn't go out that night. For the first time in my life I was proud of her. Little did I know I would be disappointed for the rest of the night.
My cousin went out to meet the guy then came back into the house after five minutes. Let me name the ex-boyfriend 'Mr X'. Mr X drove off. While X was away, my cousin came to my room and said "OMG, hizi ni temptations". She then smiled and walked out of my room.
Twenty minutes later, X was back. This time, he got into the house. With him was 1000ml of Smirnoff vodka. They sat on the sofa together and began drinking the vodka as they whispered so the househelp and I could not hear what they were saying. Unfortunately, my cousin and X are not very good at whispering. I couldn't hear them clearly but they still caused disturbance.
After one hour of listening to their stupid whispers, I was hoping X would leave. Sadly enough, X did not leave and the noises did not stop. They only graduated from whispers to moans. At this point,you can guess what they were doing...>>>and on the sofa I love sleeping on...yuck. I wish I had her husband's number, I would have snitched.
The next morning, this is what she said, "hata sijafanya makosa, nitaomba tu halafu Mungu atanisamehea". Mr X left in the morning. Since I was too curious, I decided to peep and see who X was. X happens to be my distant cousin.
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This is my latest favorite video
Watch "Einstein vs Stephen Hawking -Epic Rap Battles of History #7" on YouTube
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amazing dancer
Watch "Amazing Dancer - Norske Talenter 2011 - Tord (10 years old)" on YouTube
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Tuesday, 5 April 2011
AN IDIOT WITH A MESSIAH COMPLEX
My friend is 'AN IDIOT WITH A MESSIAH COMPLEX'
She doesn't know whether it's good or bad but all I can tell you is that it's severely hazardous to her. She might end up in that hospital for mentally disturbed people if I don't do something about it. I've decided to Google it and see what it actually means. For a moment, I actually felt like a saviour...my friend needs me to deliver her from her insanity. The good news is that, it is not a mental disorder, so she is 100% mentally stable. She wakes up, prepares to go to school, collects all her coins and puts them in her pocket so she can drop them in beggars' cups/tins. Each time she buys something, she doesn't collect change that is less than ksh 50. The sad part is that, the change that she doesn't take all the time is enough to pay her matatu fare for a whole month. The worst part, is that she goes broke halfway into the month then I am forced to be her sponsor. One time, she gave some guy all her money (ksh 30) and then she walked home ...about 3 km. She got this very useless boyfriend. The reason I call him useless is because he has never paid over dates, he didn't get my friend a birthday present, he never buys the condoms and my friend doesn't even know where he lives. I think you now understand when I say friend is an idiot. Since April just began, I'm sure she is more than willing to spend all her money saving strangers. I have already put aside the money I will be giving her in the middle of the month. I am only waiting for her to ask. Soon she will be thinking of buying condoms for those people in Isiolo. Honestly, I'm only complaining because I want to be her financial advisor, her money will be better spent if I was the one handling it.
She doesn't know whether it's good or bad but all I can tell you is that it's severely hazardous to her. She might end up in that hospital for mentally disturbed people if I don't do something about it. I've decided to Google it and see what it actually means. For a moment, I actually felt like a saviour...my friend needs me to deliver her from her insanity. The good news is that, it is not a mental disorder, so she is 100% mentally stable. She wakes up, prepares to go to school, collects all her coins and puts them in her pocket so she can drop them in beggars' cups/tins. Each time she buys something, she doesn't collect change that is less than ksh 50. The sad part is that, the change that she doesn't take all the time is enough to pay her matatu fare for a whole month. The worst part, is that she goes broke halfway into the month then I am forced to be her sponsor. One time, she gave some guy all her money (ksh 30) and then she walked home ...about 3 km. She got this very useless boyfriend. The reason I call him useless is because he has never paid over dates, he didn't get my friend a birthday present, he never buys the condoms and my friend doesn't even know where he lives. I think you now understand when I say friend is an idiot. Since April just began, I'm sure she is more than willing to spend all her money saving strangers. I have already put aside the money I will be giving her in the middle of the month. I am only waiting for her to ask. Soon she will be thinking of buying condoms for those people in Isiolo. Honestly, I'm only complaining because I want to be her financial advisor, her money will be better spent if I was the one handling it.
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Angry birds the movie. >>>>trailer
Watch "Angry Birds: The Movie (Trailer)" on YouTube
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Monday, 4 April 2011
Tired black young girl
I have been staying with my cousin for the past 3 months. I am looking for a new apartment before I become a tired black young woman with wrinkles all over my face. When I moved into this house, I was hoping to be saving money but I unfortunately ended up spending more than I intended.>>so sad<< I am forced to buy food in the house because most of my cousin's money ends up in clubs. Keep in mind I am only a poor little student who depends on her poor hard working parents for pocket money. 90% percent of her money is spent on entertainment. The other 10% is spent on expensive perfume and the latest trends in Fashion. The only thing that I have bought that is close to fashion happens to be a handkerchief :-( Everything else in that house is my responsibility. Every morning, she leaves the househelp with ksh 50. The ksh 50 is supposed to buy bread, minced meat, onions, tomatoes and vegetables. She leaves the house knowing that an angel sent from heaven (me) will make sure everything on her list is bought. When I go out with her, I buy all the drinks, then I have to hire a taxi because she always blacks out and since I don't own a driver's license, I can't drive her car.>>>I sadly happen to be a faithful law abiding citizen. I always pay for her salon. What hurt me the most was when her little 2 year old kid spoiled my new phone and she did nothing about It, Not even apologizing on behalf of that little brat. She also steals money from my wallet. My cousin is a BITCH and needs to be punished. I think my cousin should be tied up to a tree, stripped naked and be thoroughly flogged 5 times by each soldier in the armed forces. It would be more entertaining if safari ants crawled up her sexy legs and bit her for at least 10 minutes.
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me
I live my life one day at a time.
I am a spendthrift when I got money.
I love my friends.
I'm sometimes too sweet without even knowing it.
I don't like boys /men who lack egos.
I can't sleep before 12.30 am.
I love my boobies:-)
I wake up at 9 a.m...when I got nothing to do.
I don't judge people.
I ain't a big fan of relationships.
I don't take life too seriously except for really important things.
I love maximo ice cream.
I fear chilli.
I fear dogs.
I don't like animals but I got sympathy towards them.
I specifically hate black animals.
I stand on my bed sometimes so I can feel tall.
Most of all, I am daft.
I am a spendthrift when I got money.
I love my friends.
I'm sometimes too sweet without even knowing it.
I don't like boys /men who lack egos.
I can't sleep before 12.30 am.
I love my boobies:-)
I wake up at 9 a.m...when I got nothing to do.
I don't judge people.
I ain't a big fan of relationships.
I don't take life too seriously except for really important things.
I love maximo ice cream.
I fear chilli.
I fear dogs.
I don't like animals but I got sympathy towards them.
I specifically hate black animals.
I stand on my bed sometimes so I can feel tall.
Most of all, I am daft.
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