Sunday, 24 July 2011
Female obsession with kicking men in the balls....
It may not be an obsession but its normaly the 1st port of call for any female attack on a man. The testicles are symbols of male power, strength and dominance. They secrete hormones that make a guy big, strong and aggressive. One of the great ironies of nature is that the 'BALLS' shud also serve as the male's weakest part, dangling delicately and unprotected under his 'penatrating assault weapon' during an attempted rape. In self defense against sexual assault, 'the weaker sex' has the ability to turn the stronger assailant into a helpless baby by targeting this area. Thats what all girls are taught when learning about the 'facts of life.' This is sweet poetic justice for all women.
If men got pregnant.
1. Maternity leave would last 2 yrs with full pay.
2. There would b a cure 4 stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nations #1 health problem.
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. All children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager 2 talk bout commitment.
8. They wouldnt think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10pm.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of cloths.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice-cream n pickles as main entrees.
2. There would b a cure 4 stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nations #1 health problem.
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. All children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager 2 talk bout commitment.
8. They wouldnt think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10pm.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of cloths.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice-cream n pickles as main entrees.
Monday, 13 June 2011
Shower that will wipe your butt clean in no time
If you think that your “ working-class” shower isn’t quite as effective as you’d like it to be, then you’ll want to have a look at the $100 ,000 Silver TAG Shower . This baby comes equipped with 18 computer-controlled showerheads, including one that looks to be specially made to clean dirty derrières, and features six zones, which can be individually customized for temperature and water pressure. The whole thing is controlled via a touch screen that is located right outside the shower. Come on, you know you want it! Having the world’s cleanest butt is definitely worth $100 ,000 !
A DIVA'S PRAYER
Armani...which art in Hermes, hallowed be thy Gucci, thy Cartier watch, thy Prada bag on Rodeo, as it is in Tiffany's. Give us this day, our Visa Gold, and forgive us this Overdraft, as we forgive those who stop our Mastercard. Lead us not into JC Penney and deliver us from Sears. For thine is the Channel, the Gaultier and the Versace, for Dolce and Gabbana. AMEX.
HANGOVER
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86 'd you at 1 :45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You' ve had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4 th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86 'd you at 1 :45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You' ve had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4 th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
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