If santa was a kenyan woman.

Does anyone know this dude¿ Does he exist. If he was replaced by a kenyan womam...reindeers wud b replaced by reindonkeys of limuru or reincamels of north eastern. The elfs wud go 4 extreme makeover to tream their ears. The suit...Christ! She wud b donning in a gikomba original or a muthurwa market release. Historicaly, santa brings gifts thru the chimney. That wud b a problem since most kenyan women hv a back side the size of nyanza province. She wud resort to the other methods lyk knocking the door. People wud spent most of the year prayin that she does not get mood swings on that day, othewise, she wud come in sayin Ho¡ Ho! Ho! then suddenly break down n start cryin. The world wud b 1 mega gossip zone during x-mas. Gifts wud b realy late, the make up and heels. By the tym preparation is done, it wud b valentines and instead of gifts, we wud get apology notes. If u see santa in a kitenge and headscarf, smile and wave but make sure it isnt Orie Rogo Manduli u r confusing him with.

Guys are weird

Guys r weird, thats why they nid women 2 normalize them or make them more crazy so they think they r sane. Then they feel beta bout themselves coz they thnk its the woman who is weird. Its a trick, but balanced. Men nid women and women nid men, othrwise, who wud we drive insane? Guys weirdnes is a gud thng coz they dont care. They dont thnk bout thngs, they just do it not caring what others thnk...women myt b a lil more self conscious. When datin, there r weird thngs that guys do that perhaps arent xo weird after all. E.g, callin u lil names lyk pumpkin. He doesnt mean u luk lyk 1, its a compliment. He thnks enough of u to call u sth swit n doesnt feel lyk a sissy to say it. It takes a lot 4 a guy to do that, so welcome th coment evn if u'd rather b caled gourd. Any weirdnes u thnk a guy has can basicaly be seen in a +ve light or at least as a cute quirk. Its all part of hs personality and if u thnk bout it, usualy some gesture 2 impres u or some sort of manly programing 2 aid u. Tis all 4 u...in a weird way.

A Diva's prayer

Armani...which art in Hermes, hallowed be thy Gucci, thy Cartier watch, thy Prada bag on Rodeo, as it is in Tiffany's. Give us this day, our Visa Gold, and forgive us this Overdraft, as we forgive those who stop our Mastercard. Lead us not into JC Penney and deliver us from Sears. For thine is the Channel, the Gaultier and the Versace, for Dolce and Gabbana. AMEX.

Men and cleavage

Women know u look n thats why sometimes they wear low cut blouses n push up bras. Think of urself driving by six houses, all look bout the same but 1 has the door half open. You cant see whats inside the house but your eyes are drawn to it. You look in the little view that u have of the door and it instantly piques ur curiosity of what the entire house looks like. You want to stop...and you know you just cant wander in but you still want to. Thats men n cleavage...the partialy opened door.

Kenyan policemen.........LOLEST...!!!!!

This is a Conversation between a Kenyan Policeman and an Innocent Citizen who simply happens to be walking home from work late at night.

Gijana Untatoga wabi? Jina yago nani? Baba yago nani? Unataga nini?

Gan you Broduce your ID? Basi if you gannot broduce your ID Wapi Gitambulisho? If you gannot broduce Gitambulisho, wapi drivers licence? If you gannot broduce the three gavament tocuments, Twende mbele!

(But I am innocent….)

Innocent gitu gani? Haguna mutu innozent Genya We gan charge you with anything Unataga gani? Smoking with violence, Looging at a female gender with breach of gontract, Looging at a government building zuzbiciously With indend to gommit murder..... Unataga gani?

Unaweza gujitetea? Gitu gani hii? Ati fifty bob Hata haiwezi gununua jwing gum... Toa besa gijana!!!!!!!!!!!

(…nibakishie bus fare)

Ogay, You are a law abiding zitizen. Unataga tuguzindikishe???????